A plethora of trials within your family and the life-interrupting adjustments you are required to make to bless those going through the trials can cause a person to question God. Kelli Compean, a SSMF missionary serving in Kenya, reveals her need for correction and what that correction from God actually is.
“Be still and know that I am God.”
I have this scripture hanging in several places in my home in Kenya because I so struggle with the first two words of the verse.
Exactly one year ago today, I was told that my brother and his wife were divorcing, and three days later, Mom called with the news that she had a tumor.
A year has passed.
My brother and his wife are still separated but neither wants to file the divorce papers.
Mom, today, is going on hospice after a year of one treatment after another in the fight against the lung cancer that first spread to her brain and now, we discover, to her bones.
–A year of me bouncing back and forth, living mostly in the United States while my heart is in Kenya.
–A year of learning to live one day at a time when I was created to plan.
After a 15 year career in fighting cancer professionally and ten years of relying on God for daily needs on the mission field, I still need to learn to “be still”.
Oh, will I ever learn?
Will I wait this out–day after day of the over loud TV, the struggle to safely move mom from bed to wheelchair, the baking of cookies and folding of laundry? The days of not leaving the house blend together.
The only way to determine the day of the week is to count how many days have passed since I last attended church.
And yet, I know that He is God.
This Sunday I rejoiced at the fabulous message from the pastor on the book of Habakkuk. He exhorted the saints to remember that we have a savior in Jesus Christ and in addition, a Lord to be faithful to in expression of our faith.
It was a message that resonated with all that I have been experiencing and hearing from God in this year of “being still.”
There is a song by JJ Heller that goes, “I don’t know what Your doing, but I know who You are.”
In Habakkuk, the prophet questions God, but in all the questioning, he knew who God was. You see it over and over in how he addresses his questions, “O Lord my God, my Holy One”.
In one of my favorite verses he shows his own position before the Lord, “I will stand my watch and set myself on the rampart, and will watch to see what He will say to me, and what I will answer when I am corrected.”
What I love about this verse is that the prophet plans to “stand firm”, his version of “be still” and then he sets himself on the ramparts. This is for him to stand watch and prepare for action.
Finally, I love that he expects the Lord to correct him.
Isn’t that the case when we question God? We think we know best sometimes. At least I do.
Sometimes I find myself questioning why my Mom has to have such an aggressive cancer when the majority of her siblings have had multiple cancers and are still living.
What correction do I get?
“Be still and know that I am God”, not you, Kelli.
So, in my own stand, I am going to do as the prophet Habakkuk did at the end of his book. In my paraphrase it goes like this:
Though my mother lies abed, aching and confused,
Nor my father trusting in You,
Though family is scattered,
And my loving husband is far away
Though my heart is divided between callings,
And my church home is far away
“Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation .The Lord is my strength! He will make my feet like deer’s feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills.” Habakkuk 3:18
No matter the struggle you are in, join me in making this your song today.